When forms are formidable

Recently, it seems to me like everything has to be done on the Internet. The world is no longer old fashioned. We can't simply do some paperwork and send it off in the post, crossing our fingers that there won't be a postal strike.

No sir, everything has gone to the Internet. As if being human wasn't taxing enough, now we have to do our taxes on it, our banking on it... some time soon we will probably have to sit on it all day to do anything.

The Internet is a beautiful thing, don't get me wrong, but after completing my student finance on it I felt like smashing my computer into hundreds of tiny pieces. Not only was it inexplicably hard to follow, but it ended up being filled out wrong and I had to reset the entire account.

In fact, any kind of form on it has me in hysterics. There is nothing easy or quick about a form you do on the Internet, no matter how much they tell you there is.

Today, I had to get a Visa Waiver. That is the last time I EVER try to get one of those. I had already lost it because I was a day late in making sure it was free, so I knew I would have to pay. From the start of the entire process, it felt like I was in a race to the finish line.

I went back to my days of never ending tension when I filled in the form for my driving license, hoping it wouldn't time me out before my instructor got back to me. At least at that point I would have someone to blame.

This time, it was me against the machine. Of course, being me, I didn't think to gather anything I may possibly need beforehand. So I was rushing frantically backwards and forwards to get my passport and a credit card. I must have looked somewhat like a headless chicken.

So yes, whilst they are very good at being to hand when you need them, and kind of quick if you can keep up with the timer so you don't need to start typing in your details for the 45th time, they are entirely impractical if you are slow at typing or a hopeless headcase like me.

Paperwork, however boring it may sound, is much better than a technological form. At least you can take your own sweet time doing it.

What not to do in England

Yesterday, I learned a vital lesson:

When you go out on a rainy day, make sure you bring a waterproof coat and that your shoes are also waterproof.

A bit of background information about me that you should probably know first, is that I never wear a coat. I don't like how they look on me. They swamp me because I'm so short, and they don't do anything for my figure, which is kind of a must.

The one coat I do own was given to me and is not waterproof, but it was expensive. I was told by my boyfriend that I looked like a detective and that was the end of that.

So, there I was with my two layers of hoodies and my converse at the beginning of a day out at Thorpe Park. I was ready for whatever the theme park had to throw at me. I had an umbrella in my bag that I hoped would protect me and layers of hoodies to stop me from getting cold. I knew it would be raining, but I had no idea how much...

It happened whilst standing in a queue for the Saw ride. The skies slowly opened. I thought; 'hey, this isn't so bad'. Little did I know that it would soon begin pouring torrentially. When we got off of the ride, the sky opened. In a matter of minutes I, as well as my friends, were soaked through and seeking refuge.

I paid £5 for a ghastly but effective blue waterproof poncho, with the words 'don't wet yourself' emblazoned on the back of it. My sister did the same. We were christened 'the poncho twins' after one very fetching photo of us on a ride.

We only went on two rides, by the way, because they slowly shut down one by one as soon as the rain hit. The queues were ridiculous and after waiting two hours to go on Colossus, all we wanted to do is go home and have hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows.

By the time I finally got back and dragged myself into the warm arms of my boyfriend, I looked like a drowned rat. My feet were freezing and wet, my clothes were warmish (having taken off my two utterly useless hoodies that felt as though they'd just been in the washing machine) and my mind was in a place no one would dare go. I was not a happy camper.

(Thank you darling boyfriend for cheering me up, you make my life complete.)

It wasn't all bad. The company was good and we got to go to Pizza Hut for food. But overall, I'd say we wasted our day.

So what did I learn?

That I really need to go buy a good coat and good shoes for the English summer if I am to survive it. And not to go to a theme park when it rains.

Making things clear cut

In my view, there is only one way to secure a girlfriend / boyfriend; to make it screamingly obvious you think they're hot from the start. If you make your feelings clear, you do away with the friendship barrier and dive straight in the deep end (ie, a relationship).

I'm not the type to hold my cards close, and so I figure that if I don't keep anything secret, why suppress something as simple as desire?

I think that to be in a relationship, you absolutely have to find the other person attractive physically, otherwise all you have is friendship when you could be out there looking for more. You need to be able to think; 'Yeah, i'd tap that' instead of shying away from the thought like it was measles.

I may not be an expert, but from my experience, I can tell you that playing the long game doesn't work. You confuse friendship with a relationship and it tends to get messy.

I know that for some people, this method can work. But it would take so much time and work, their friend may not be worth it in the end.

I've tried being friends and then inching my way in to being more and I've been cast aside. Apparently they didn't want to ruin the friendship. The fact is, they didn't want a relationship with me because they weren't attracted to me.

I find that people I used to be attracted to have turned into friends so much I no longer think of them as anything more than that. And this is what happens by waiting to make a move; it is always made too late.

When I did go out with a friend once, it really didn't feel right. I knew I liked him a lot as a person, and it seemed like the next step. It wasn't. I didn't even want to kiss the poor guy, and I definately wasn't interested in anything more with him.

No, it is much better to go from being aquaintances to having a thing for eachother. It feels more natural for one thing. And you get to know the rest of them as you go out with them.

Relationships are meant to be an adventure, so finding out new things about them adds to that sense. After a while you learn to love the things you didn't think you would, like a quirk in their behaviour, for example.

Beginning a relationship in this way means you also have a lot to talk about, and you gain a friend and a lover without gaining a line to cross, unlike those friends who turn into more. In fact, I find that the realtionship that begins as friends only ever turns into friends with benefits.

I know people say that to have a good marriage, you should marry your best friend. But I think that if you did marry your best friend, it wouldn't be a relationship, just a partnership, without the lust or romantic love that comes with it. You need to make your other half into your best friend, not the other way round.

Fancy dress. Need I say more?

I don't know about you, but I have always had a whale of a time dressing up. And I don't mean any old dressing up. I mean FANCY DRESS.

Those two words can either leave people quaking in their boots with anxiety, so excited they start thinking about it straight away or disgusted. The latter are people who take themselves way too seriously and should think about seeing a hypnotist to unleash their inner child.

My inner child, however, is out and skipping happily down the road with a bright smile on it's chubby little face. The fact is, that most of my friends love looking like utter fools, and I love dressing myself up like the Barbie dolls of my youth.

In September I am going to a Fancy Dress party where the theme is Nursery Rhymes and Children's book characters. When I read this you could probably see the light bulb hovering over my head, flashing furiously.

I had hundreds of ideas. Miss Muffet, Goldilocks, Mary with her little lamb, The Snow Queen, Dorothy, Gretel, Wendy from Peter Pan. The list goes on. And I haven't even started mentioning the generous amount of princesses I could add to the list. Fairy tales are my speciality when it comes to stories, so I know them all. Or nearly all of them, anyway.

In the end I was saved from what would surely become an epic quest for the right character by my boyfriend's sister, who had decided to come as Alice in Wonderland and wanted a few of us to join her in this theme. I think I narrowly escaped being Tweedle Dee due to my twinness. Stacey and I decided to be the red and white queens retrospectively.

The other fancy dress party I have been invited to is a Halloween party. My costume is still a mystery to me. Last year I went as 'Little Dead Riding Hood'. I had made my own cape, which took a lot of time and effort, and I decided to have huge lipstick gashes on me from where the wolf had clawed me. It was pretty effective.

So, to conclude this blog, I will try to find a few super awesome fancy dress things that I have been. Prepare to be impressed:

This is me as red riding hood



As Luna Lovegood for a Harry Potter Party



As a Cowgirl



And finally as a prostitute for a 'Pimps and Hoes' party, together with a few of my friends



There are plenty more things I have been, notably witches and whatnot for Halloween as it's always been a great time to dress up. Maybe this Halloween i'll be something a bit more original.

Vertically challenged

I used to be a normal size when I was about 7. In fact, all the way up until puberty hit. But soon after it DID hit, everyone else was now a normal size, and I was falling behind. I remember the times when people who are now rather a lot taller than me were actually shorter than me and I wonder what I did wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I'nm not a dwarf or anything. And I don't think i'm legally classed as a midget. I am 5 ft 2 though. Which is very hard to beat nowadays. I think I know 2 or 3 people who are actualy shorter than me by at least an inch.

It seems like puberty forgot to give me a growth spurt all those years ago. Luckily, my twin is still as short as I am, and therefore I don't feel self conscious about it too often. Still, it is quite uncomfrotable straining my neck upwards at 99% of my friends and my boyfriend.

I suppose there are good things about being short:
You don't have to bend over too far to pick something up off the floor.
You ask nice strong young men to take things off of high shelves and they take pity on you.
Most men like their women shorter than them, so I have no problems with being too tall.
You look younger than you are, so you get the pleasure of flashing your shiny pink driving licence at them whilst smirking.

However, there are also a few bad things. Mainly the contant neck strain and the hundreds of height jokes shot in your direction. Oh and one thing I can't stand is being whacked in the face with low umbrellas.

I don't mind being poked fun at so much though. I can't change my height, so why worry about it? And why be concerned that I'm not a normal size? In my world, normal is boring anyway.

I suppose that whilst being tall means you can be a model and you can eat that bit mroe cake without your stomache looking bigger than it was before, it also has a few problems. Like a high centre of gravity, meaning you're more likely to have bad balance. Or stooping to go through doorways or under tree branches.

I guess shortness is both a way of life and a state of mind. I think I'll keep on with being happy with my height, rather than fretting about it and wishing to be taller, unlike so many other women.

Cousins, a fountain of priceless information

My cousin is 20 years old and has the most interesting views on the world I have ever known. This probably stems from his love of philosophy and generally making himself a nuisance to other people.

Despite his controversial views, I do tend to actually agree with him. He phrases things in such a way you can't really not agree with him, and seems to have a gift for persuasion.

One such thing that I agree with him about are his ideas on people. Namely that people tend to think they are not actually animals and therefore are above them. But the thing is, people really are animals.

Our ideas of superiority mainly stem from the fact that we are able to communicate with eachother using language. Newsflash: Animals communicate with eachother too. Ever heard of birdsong? In fact, any sound an animal makes, especially dolphins with their sonar. Animals are, in fact, just as clever as we make ourselves out to be.

But, thinking about this more reasonably, are we so different from the creatures we deem as beneath us?

As children, we thrive on our instincts. If we want to go and play, we will. We get an impulse to climb a tree, it's doubtful we won't do it, or at least try. Just like animals. We educate our young as animals do, though they teach them life skills instead of mathematics (and I think i'd prefer life skills).

As adults, we tend to think of ourselves as still more superior than our younger counterparts. Unfortunately, we are still wrong. We only fight our instincts. We still want to procreate, we live together in packs with our families close by, we work to keep ourselves alive.

In a scary situation it always comes back to two responses; confrontation or running away. I'm sure most of you have heard of the fight or flight instinct, and this is so animalistic I hardly need to tell you to think of a predator and the reactions of its prey.

We all follow the crowd too, mostly because we know there is safety in numbers. Most of us would not like living alone, for example, or would like a group of people with them on a night out, rather than being alone.

Even who we choose as our partners has something to do with our animalisitic ways. Women are very attracted to men with big muscles when they are ovulating, as they will protect their young, for example. I think this is a good example of how we are ruled by these tendencies.

And you know when dogs mark their territory? Our version is taking a property and putting our stamp on it; painting the walls and putting in our furniture. It seems we have marked the world as our territory with our buildings, tarmac and concrete.

All this hasn't come from my cousin though. These are my thoughts as I have looked into his theory and I have found it to be quite true. Still, I do think that we may be superior in a way, simply by having the creative and innovative minds that have industrialised the world for our benefit.

We believe that animals are not aware of death and do not question the world, but we do. We have religion where animals do not. But the thing is, we don't actually know what animals think. So how do we know if we really are superior?

I Heart London

The capital of England is a bustling world full of things to do and sights to see. Even as a Brit myself, I find it fascinating. It has so much history everywhere; monuments, statues, plaques. Even the roads and buildings themselves. Streets have become world famous, and not only due to the monopoly board.

I haven't been to London too many times, but when I have gone, I have always had a wonderful and memorable day. When I went with my mum and sister not long ago (see 'Why going to London is always a good plan'), I saw a plaque on a house on the opposite side of the road which said that Charles Dickens had once been there. Being a book lover, I was very happy with this piece of information.

The last time I went to London was on Saturday. My boyfriend hates London, and he thought he would have a terrible time, so imagine my surprise when he said he had really enjoyed it.

The original plan was to go shopping in Camden, but it really didn't work out as it was mostly clothing and tattoo parlours (really not my boyfriend's style). We didn't stay for too long.

Covent Gardens was our next stop and this was by far more interesting to see. We sought out the theatre and then explored the enormous shopping centre, stopping by various street performers.

By far the best street act was a comedian who got members of the public to recreate 'The X Factor'. He got them to dress up as the village people and dance some truly ridiculous dances. It was hilarious.

We then went on an expedition to Leicester Square as I had never seen it before. And I have to say, I was quite impressed. All around this pretty square garden with its busts at the edges and a memorial at the centre, were restaurants and cinemas. It also had a good few clubs, which really made me wish we weren't going to the theatre later, as they looked pretty fun.



We also took a trip down to Trafalgar Square, as it wasn't too far away. I was rather stunned at the enormity of the square and its many statues. As soon as we got there we were accosted by happy people offering free hugs, which really made my day. Nelson's column was easily the most impressive thing of all, as it stands over 56 metres high.



To finish off our night, we headed to the Duchess Theatre back in Covent Gardens. After all, what's a trip to London without a trip to the West End? We went to see 'The Secret of Sherlock Holmes' as we thought it would be enjoyable for all of us.

It was well acted and interesting, but since it was about Sherlock's mental state, it didn't have the problem solving and mystery that I had come to associate Sherlock Holmes with. Overall, I'd give it a 3 out of 5.

If you've never been to London and you would like to know what it's all about, then I have a few recommendations for you:

1. A open top bus sightseeing tour; by far the quickest and least taxing way to enjoy the sights of London. And you don't get achy feet or have to go on the hot, crowded underground.

2. The London Eye; where else would you get a spectacular eagle eye view of your favourite sights than at the top of a huge wheel? Houses of Parliament and Big Ben for the win.

3. London Zoo and London Aquarium

4. Madame Tussauds; unbelievably had a ride inside it that gave you a history of London. Interesting and entertaining. Not to mention photos with those famous faces.

5. Shopping in Oxford Street (and Covent Gardens)

And don't forget to book some tickets for a show in the West End. They have plenty of shows to choose from so everyone will be happy. Les Miserables is a must see.

Body Image and Beauty Ideals; What is going on?

In the good old days, everyone thought that Marilyn Monroe was the most beautiful woman that ever existed. She was the equivalent of an english size 10. She had curves and an arse and she was gorgeous.

Recently it's been all about the size zero phenomenon. Twigs and stick insects strutted down the catwalks and celebrities were poked and prodded by the media.

What now?

Apparently we're all accepting that size 12 is the best size to be and that being able to snap in half by a hug isn't actually a good thing. But obesity is still a problem.

Hmmm. Now, to me, this changing attitude is a little confusing. What am I meant to be like? A twig, curvy or chunky? Thin is actually still the ideal for many people. Just look at our celebrities. They still get criticised if they gain even an ounce of fat. Imagine what it's like in schools.

I tend to get quite frustrated in the ideals of beauty. They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but is it really? I don't think so. It is now in the eyes of the media and the personalities behind it. It is still run by the same people who brought you widespread anorexia.

They show you women with perfect skin, and you think that your should have that skin. The same goes for tiny women; they show you, you want. Like the perfect pair of shoes sitting in a shop window, ready to be bought if only you made the effort to go get them.

I know this is slightly unfair, as I have read a good few articles in lifestyle magazines that encourage women to stop obsessing about their weight and learn to love themselves. But then I see the models they use in the adverts and in the pictures themselves and wonder if this is all just a lie.

Pictures subliminally affect you more than words. You don't think about the pictures. But we are still bombarded with images of skinny models, actresses and pop stars. And if you don't believe me, take a look around.

So next time you wonder why your perfectly curvy friend is worrying about her love handles, you can safely blame it on the ads.

Twins. Why the (kinda creepy) fascination?

My twin has three tattoos. She also has pierced ears and glasses. So what? I hear you yell at me into your screen.

Well that fact is that I don't. Nor do I want to poke myself in the eyes so I too have to wear glasses. I don't want to get my ears pierced and I don't want her tattoos. See? Twins can be different after all.

I like to think that Stacey and I are probably as different as you can get with identical twins. For a start, we have so many differences that it is actually hard to believe we even are twins. We're proof that you don't get your personality from your genes.

Stacey likes Criminology. I do not understand this in the slightest. I think it's probably the third most boring thing in the world. Law comes in at number one, closely followed by politics. I think if I did that course, I'd have gotten kicked off by now for falling asleep in lectures. But hey ho, whatever floats your boat.

Our taste in music is quite similar when it comes to rocky stuff. But you put us in a club and Stacey will complain about the music at some point. I, on the other hand, will be happily dancing (and singing) along to pretty much anything. Apart from rap, I hate rap. This is a thing we have in common.

The tattoos she has, whilst pretty, aren't what I would have on my body. Then again, it'd have to be pretty special to be on my body as I like my skin pure at the moment. Saying that though, I have been wanting to have a twin tattoo, and since stacey has just designed one I rather like, I may have it.

Our hair colour has seen a few pretty drastic changes over the years. Mostly it has been Stacey going a bit crazy with the dye. She's been bright red, dark red, blue black, ginger, brown and red black. She's naturally a blonde. The most crazy hair colour I've ever been is a deep brown in year 10. It looked great, but I went back to blonde not long after.

And our taste in men? Totally different. Stacey would 'never in [her] right mind go for a footballer', and I certainly would. I wouldn't go for an overtly geeky guy either, and Stacey has had her fair share of those.

I watched a twin programme once. I was shocked and appalled about what I saw. These twins actually wanted to be like eachother. They got the same haircut, they had the same posessions, they wore the same clothes. They might as well have been the same person. They even slept in the same bed (this would end very badly for me and my twin if we tried it).

I don't know why on earth you would spend so much time and effort looking like someone else, even if it is your twin. I know today's society is a bit like a flock of sheep, but they're taking it to a whole new level.

Finally, there's only one more thing to discuss. Stupid. Questions. If I ever hear the line 'do you read eachother's minds?' again, I may strangle the person who issued it. My top three annoying questions are:
1. Which is the oldest? Me
2. By how much? A minute
3. Do you feel eachother's pain? No, we bloody well don't. Now leave me alone.

And no, we don't do threesomes either. It's gross. And how would you like it if someone asked that of you and your sibling? Same principle applies.

Long story short, twins aren't really something to make a big fuss about. We aren't actually the same person and therefore can't do anything cool or weird. We're just sisters, only the same age.

Young mums and dads: too much, too soon

You know what really gets on my nerves?

Young people having children. And I'm talking REALLY young, not twentysomethings, but teenagers.

I find it quite unbelievable that not so very long ago it was unacceptable for an unmarried woman to even contemplate having sex, and now 14 year olds are doing it and managing to get pregnant.

To be brutally honest, these young women (and men) are being extremely irresponsible. When I do have a child, I would like to be able to give it a proper home, a father who will stick around and everything it needs. I would want to have a good, stable job so that I am able to provide for it. And I wouldn't want to depend on government funding and the help of my parents to do all that.

These young people are pretty much kids themselves. Some haven't even finished their basic education, let alone ever gotten a job. I think that it is very unfair for children to be brought into a world where they will not be properly taken care of because their parents are still so immature.

I am currently 19, and I feel that I am still not ready to have a child. I have to get through university and get a good job before I think about things like that. The idea of marriage and family seems to far away to me.

So why do they even go along with having these children? I honestly have no idea. I think some of them must believe that they are more mature then in reality, that they can cope with the pressure of being a parent and having someone that depends entirely on you.

When I was in my first year at college, a girl I knew at the time got pregnant. It was the first time she'd ever had sex. She was a couple of months younger than me. When I look back on this I wonder if she ever actually thought about preventative measures, or even about getting pregnant at all. I wonder if she had ever thought about having a child before then.

Probably not.

Not long before she found out she was pregnant, she dropped out of college, so all she had to her name was her GCSE results and a job at a shop. Now, the only thing I know about her is that she goes clubbing a lot, and I wonder who looks after the baby.

I think that when teenage girls get pregnant and decide to have the baby, their lives are promptly ruined. They never get to enjoy the freedom you gain in going to university or taking a gap year. They have to give up the things they could have enjoyed, like going out clubbing.

I am so glad that I have enough sense to make the conscious decision not to have children until I know I can provide for them and give them a good life. I just hope that the trend of getting pregnant so young is going down and not up.